i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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