belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
