stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
