Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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