dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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