Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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