just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize