dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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