She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
