"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Randomize