In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
