I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
no you cant smoke seaweed
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
