lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
