i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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