Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
