I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize