I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
