Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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