I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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