i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
