On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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