oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
