Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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