you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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