i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He shit in the fireplace
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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