ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
It's just like the Real World with babies
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
