it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
