She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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