Barsexuality is the new black.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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