help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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