Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
