i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
