My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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