i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
