I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
