dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It's shark week go big or go home
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
