Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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