I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
