NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
