She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
