she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
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