True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize