dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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