Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
