My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
