Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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