Sponge bath it is.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
