mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
