I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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