Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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