also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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