3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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