In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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