I'm so fucking centered right now
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize