She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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