WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
