At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Randomize
