It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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