either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Randomize
