if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I supernannyed him into submission
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
