He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
