Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
