remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Randomize
