I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
