This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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