If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
