If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
