my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
tell me about the fingering
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