it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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