I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
