smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize