Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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