Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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