Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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