I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Randomize
