Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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