He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
