Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
