There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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