I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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