the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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