Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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