I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
