I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
