Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
