would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
