I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Randomize
