I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
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