and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
