i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
