Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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