I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
