I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
