Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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