So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Of course I have a pirate flag
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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