She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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