sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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